Friday, July 11, 2014

Motivation and Determination



This quote is very relevant in my life right now and that is why I wanted to put it on here. Instead of wasting the ink and printing it out, I can look at my blog and be reminded of what these words really mean. In the non dancing world it represents writing and revising, completing a manuscript and sending it out to hopefully be represented or published. It also represents applying my back side off so I can find a day job and be able to dance, feis and hopefully buy a solo dress someday. (Oh and you know, pay bills and buy a house, but this blog isn't about that.)

This blog is my journey to try the things I always wanted to do but couldn't. This blog is my journey to become great a something. My passion burns strong and bright and that is to be the best dancer I can be. I want to be an open champ, I want to qualify for worlds, I want to stand on that stage (not necessarily in the top spot, but somewhere.) I know it will be an uphill battle, I'm 25, solo dresses and trips to Europe are a financial nightmare, there are girls like Brogan and Julia who are younger and better. But I don't care, I love dancing so much that I don't want to stop, I want to push myself to my limit.

That goal can only be achieved if I try my hardest. While I think mentally that I give it my all ( there are exceptions, when the real world interferes) I'm not satisfied with what I can bring to the table physically. For one, I need to make my self stronger. I don't want to constantly worry about my ankles and injury. I need to stretch better and listen to my body. But I also need to make myself healthier. I know I'm not obese, but I am not happy with my body image. I look in the mirror and cringe, I hate what I see. Before anyone gets on the lecture train, I know it shouldn't matter what other people think, but it's how I feel inside. I know I've gained weight since high school, I know I had a few years where I did nothing. I know my in laws are wonderful people but are hurting me with their eating habits. I want to be in top physical shape to have stamina, strength and flexibility, but honestly, I don't want to see cellulite between my poodle socks and school dress. I refused to become disgusting, let myself go. I'm not asking to be like a certain body builder I know, I mean her determination is amazing, and her diet creative, but that's too much. I'd liked to be 10-20 pounds lighter and a lot more toned. I think I can do that.  NO I know I can because I am making myself. Maybe keeping track of it on here will help me.

I had started off well enough, I was walking, going on hikes, practicing steps...everyday I was doing something. Then my ankle flared up and I've been resting...well I'm ready to get back into it. I need to get back into it.

Okay, I'm done with that tangent.

Camp is in just over three weeks. Excited and a bit nervous, I've planning on letting TC know my plan of a "feis debut" October 19th, in Advanced Beginner & Overs. In Reel and Light Jig. I may question him about Hornpipe and Slip Jig. He may laugh in my face. But I will be an open champ. I will think of a way to make him understand this.

Okay need to sleep. Going to the gym with my mom in the morning. "I'm going to be an open champ workout" begins tomorrow. :)

Wish me luck,

Kay



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