Monday, June 16, 2014

Out with a bang?

Warning: If you aren't in the mood to read an unhappy post, close the tab now.

I honestly try to be as positive as possible. I am doing the 100 days of happy on my Facebook page (currently in the 70's.) I try to roll with everything as much as I can. I know that I get frustrated easily, I know I often vent to my husband about the things that upset me. I try to not let air it out on social media. But sometimes it's just unavoidable...

Dance ended on Friday, which was depressing enough. If you read this regularly (I really doubt it, pretty sure I lost the majority when I stopped taking riding lessons. Oh well) you know that I've tried a lot of activities in the last year and change. Irish Dance has brought me the most joy. While I'm not anywhere near K or M, I think I excelled quickly. It's a great workout (you should see my legs!) and the girls whether 9 or 25 are all so sweet and wonderful. I didn't want it to end. I know my poor TC has a day job and wants to relax too, but it was honestly the only thing I looked forward to during the week.

Well it didn't go too well. I chalk it up to me being absolutely exhausted with concerts and end of the year crap. My ankles have been funky again too, but I've been wearing heels and flats for extended hours, as well as constantly walking around in demi point and really stamping when i finish my hornpipe steps. I'm also a complete perfectionist and I wanted to practice competition steps instead of one part of the set portion of St. Patricks day for 40 MINUTES because I could not do it fluidly. I know that was beneficial, I know that I needed to fix that problem, but I was depressed that everyone else got to do all their dances to music, feis style and I was off in a corner drilling the evilness. I did get to run my Light Jig and he gave me a compliment so it wasn't a complete bust. In my TCs eyes, it was fine, but since I'm not going to be in that room for 50 days and then even more time after that week is over, I just wanted it to be different. Oh well. Learning experience. When you get lax on practicing, you pay for it. At least it wasn't because I was just lazy.

I got some news today (I'm thinking of that Creed Song) as cliche and not funny as it is, it seems my life is gonna change...No I'm not pregnant. I'm just using the reference because if I don't joke, I will cry. I lost one of my jobs today... :(

...Not particularly surprised, I was given the heads up in March, I was just really hoping for a different resolution. Don't get me wrong, I hated that job more than I hate my traditional set piece, but if I found a different job and quit, at least it was on my terms. It wasn't a lot of money either, but we were comfortable. My husband didn't care that I danced or did gymnastics. I still have the other job in Stratford, but now that means I lose my benefits, any glimmer of being qualified for a house is now down the tubes, and I'm driving an hour for what is now a part time job. I know I'll find something else, I've applied at a few other places, something will turn up, but in the mean time I'm terrified. I have college loans due and bills and now the one thing that makes me happy, makes me a better and complete person, the thing I want to throw myself into so I can be a healthier, more awesome me, might not be possible if I can't find a new job. How can I be okay with 420 dollar semester class fee or a school dress for feisanna, if my husband is covering my half of the rent? It's a horrible feeling. Like drowning.

I know it's June, I know I have time, I just don't want to be a nuisance for my husband and I don't want to lose what I love.

Maybe a more proactive and goal orientated post next time?

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