There is No Emotion, Only Peace

 

 Trying to live these Jedi mantra's this week and I'm really struggling.

In the non-dance world, we're getting into that time of the year where I'm just mentally tired. I got a new student this week IN MARCH. It's not his fault, but it has thrown off the dynamics of my already large class and my patience is thin, my ideas are all stale, and I just want to sleep for a week. I thinking I'm still getting over whatever this not covid sickness is too, because I've taken cold medicine the last 24 hours and its the best I've felt in days.

I just deleted a really whiny tone deaf rant about not getting to dance this week and I'm going to try again. I wasn't originally supposed to go dance today as the studio was originally closed for the Hartford St. Patrick's Day parade. Then it got postponed for rain and I moved things around to have a private lesson today. Well, as is almost always the case in the part of Connecticut where I live, the weather ended up being snow instead of rain and from 10-1 only (The time I would have been driving to and from the studio) so I had to skip again. Trying to tell myself that I wasn't supposed to go today in the first place, but now I have to miss next week because of the parade postponement, so thus the bad mood I've been in today.

Someone upstairs really wants the Hartford Feis to be my first prelim competition. I'm trying to tell myself that is still almost three months away and that I'll be fine by then, but still a little nervous. I have no doubt that I'll have all my steps for all my rounds very soon (I was supposed to finish slip jig today...WAH) it's more of the stamina, stage presence stuff that I'm worried about it. I've been cross training and visualizing which I'm hoping will help too.

I came back to dance and told myself that things had to be different than before I had my son, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job of this. That being said, I think I still get motivated and inspired to obsessive levels which is why I want to be as prepared as possible for when I finally compete. I'm also so impatient and wanted to compete at Lenihan in April...but unfortunately I won't be ready. I keep trying to tell myself that I will be more prepared in June and all of this frustration will be worth it.

Until then... "I am one with the force the force is one with me. I am one with the force..."

Kay