One Journey Paused. Another Commencing?
So I may have spoke prematurely in my last post...
I don't really know what to say that isn't sugar coating things. Broached the subject of a comeback with my other half and it went about how I expected. I tried to explain that things can't be the same; no multi night classes, no double feis weekends, etc. He said he didn't believe me and part of me doesn't blame him. I'm not one to do anything halfway and when I was in the thick of things I was pretty selfish sometimes. It also became glaringly obvious that he didn't understand my world and it got to a point that instead of trying to get him to be a part of it, I just didn't talk to him about dance anymore; no decisions, no results, nothing. Every 3-6 months we'd argue about something I should have been more forthcoming about and go back to the weird impasse we had. I understand that he would have reservations.
We have a child now. I'm not getting divorced over Irish dance. Don't worry, things are actually better than ever. It's just not worth wrecking all of that to most likely never get to prelim and open. :( I just feel stupid for calling my TC and trying to arrange baby sitting...I really do need to be better about talking to Jon. I am a wimp when it comes to confrontation so I try to avoid it and usually...It comes back to bite me. 2020 goal...just say it, you don't have to have everything sorted out before hand.
So I'm not retired...I won't admit that till the dress is for sale. Let's just say indefinite hiatus...At least until Dom is done breastfeeding. He takes a bottle, but that stuff is a pain to pump so I feel guilty when he gets a bottle when I could just nurse him. Thanks to everyone who offered to help...I may still need you one day.
In typical Kay fashion, I still felt like something was missing from my life. I did try gymnastics, but the layout of the class just didn't work for me. I do my best when I have structure and someone is holding me accountable. It was an open gym and I had to fend for myself so I spent most of the class willing myself to do something instead of actually tumbling. Add a very hefty warm up ( that part I somewhat enjoyed...I need to condition!) and it might have been 40 minutes of gym time. The coach was cool though...too bad.
My mother was convinced I was going to kill myself at gymnastics, so she often gave me other suggestions (ballet, tap, figure skating). For funsies, I googled the last of the three and found a place that gave figure skating lessons about 20 minutes from my house. I went ice skating with my cousins growing up and one of the first gifts that Jon got me was a pair of hockey skates when we started dating (He is a hockey man, we watch games multiple days of the weeks like normal people watch football LOL) and we went a bunch on ponds too, so I had some previous experience. I also had some gift cards from Christmas so I bought some actual figure skates and headed to the rink kind of nervous. I wasn't sure if I was expecting a similar situation to gymnastics where because I'm an adult I'd get pushed to the wayside or half assed (Which my TC was so good about and I worried that nowhere else will ever hold a candle) but I was pleasantly surprised.
Firstly, I did some research and found out that US Figure skating is extremely adult friendly. Like adults have their own regionals and nationals and have five competitor categories because the age range is so vast. I watched clips where there were people older than my mom competing and they were not competing alone. They even have Adult only meets! There are many levels and areas where you can compete including the adult comparison to being elite so there is plenty of room to grow. If anyone out there still reads this, you all know that I'm all about having goals. That's why an open gym or an adult tap class where everyone is there to socialize is not my thing.
Second, (and I hope this doesn't make me sound like a creeper) the club I went to has a bunch of adults, but one specifically that competes. She's a mom, she won her category at nationals, she already navigated the waters that I may want to travel, and thank goodness, she seems nice. We skated the warm up together and she answered all of my questions. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but she seemed like she was happy to have someone else like minded around. (She's WAY better than me, I have a long way to go to catch her) The other men and ladies were welcoming too...and who knew Ice dance was such a popular discipline among the retiree crowd? :)
Finally, I did much better than I thought. Typically, in the hockey skates I would cling to the boards until the skate session was nearly over before finally getting a bit more confident. In the warm up. I was feeling a bit like a baby deer learning how to walk for the first time, but it wasn't long before I was feeling more confident. The instructor (who I guess I can call my coach now) was super impressed with me. She kept going "OMG! You are doing great!" which was a real confidence booster and by the end of the practice session I was able to do swizzles, rocking horses, dips, and started working on going backwards (That did not happen in the hockey skates unless Jon was skating forward holding my hands) I even started gliding on one foot (can't really do it longer than like a second yet but I'll take it). My coach already brought up competing which you all know is what really motivates me. Here's the catch...the competition in question is in 9 days! NINE DAYS! Preparation is not exactly what I'm worried about. She said I have all the skills I would need to compete in Adult 1 and there is no music in Adult 1 and 2. She also said that I wouldn't need a special dress yet and that I could wear my leo and skater skirt I used to wear for performances/competitions with dance. The biggest issue is finding someone to watch Dominik. I really rather not bring him when I don't know the ropes and am not super comfortable with leaving him to skate, even if it's like a minute. I could picture him crying and that throwing me off. This sort of became one of those issues that I have with Jon...I wanted to have all my ducks in a row before I even told him about the competition and he just wanted me to tell him. "You went one time". I know dude, this seems fast even for me. I won't be heartbroken if this one doesn't work out. They have many of them in Connecticut and I'd almost rather work towards having a program to music (I have a list of like 8 possible ideas but it is really down to two polar opposite songs so I'd have to ask my teacher what she thinks, if I even get a say in the matter.) I have until Monday to decide so stay tuned I guess.
This has become very long but it has been so nice to be excited about going somewhere again! Not that I didn't love dance at the end there, but in order to keep everyone happy (myself included) it really became a job. I also had a lot of nerves about belonging. I was a lot older and don't get me wrong, everyone was welcoming and sweet, but I still felt like I had to prove that I was supposed to be there and felt I was shitty since I wasn't in prelim and as good as everyone else. Add being rigid about everything (Can't dye or highlight my hair...then my wig wont match, can't go ice skating what if I injure myself, I didn't go to blah blah feis and so and so got first...if I went I probably would have too) and it was more exhausting than fun. I also try to imagine telling the girls in the novice slip jig line (because let's be real, I doubt I would have been bumped up and I suck at confrontation) that the baby side stage is my baby and I just can't. At least not yet. But since I'm getting off topic, I'm excited to be just a student again. Getting paid to do something I enjoyed also had it's benefits (Not dropping hundreds of dollars on tuition for example...) but just attending and going home definitely keeps it from becoming any more stressful than it needs to be.
Last week was my free trial, tomorrow I skate with a guest fee, and after that I paid for the eight week session. After the beginning of March things will get a bit complicated. There are no more sessions until the fall, but most of the serious skaters meet with their coaches at other rinks (the one I go to is on a private school's campus) I will have to find out the prices and maybe do like a private every other week and attend a public skate or figure skating session on the off week. Jon is all about the money so I guess if I can find a way to pay for it that's not being negligent elsewhere...hopefully it will be cool. I'm also trying to find the silver lining in the fact that he seems to very excited and interested in this venture (you know...it's almost hockey) when he despised dance but don't ask questions I guess.
There is a competition in the summer that is I think well be my big goal at the moment. If all goes well, I would like to compete there with music with an actual figure skating dress (OMG they are all so pretty and less expensive than Irish dance dresses and actually have normal sizing! Like shopping used might actually be possible without crazy alterations!). I'd also like to bust through Adult 1-6 as quickly as I can. We already did some stuff in Adult 2 and 3 last lesson so I'm curious to see where I'll be by then end of the session. If the opportunity to compete elsewhere arises than awesome, but for now I'm just happy to feel so happy about something again.
To the next nine weeks as a member of the Watertown Skating Club,
Kay
I don't really know what to say that isn't sugar coating things. Broached the subject of a comeback with my other half and it went about how I expected. I tried to explain that things can't be the same; no multi night classes, no double feis weekends, etc. He said he didn't believe me and part of me doesn't blame him. I'm not one to do anything halfway and when I was in the thick of things I was pretty selfish sometimes. It also became glaringly obvious that he didn't understand my world and it got to a point that instead of trying to get him to be a part of it, I just didn't talk to him about dance anymore; no decisions, no results, nothing. Every 3-6 months we'd argue about something I should have been more forthcoming about and go back to the weird impasse we had. I understand that he would have reservations.
We have a child now. I'm not getting divorced over Irish dance. Don't worry, things are actually better than ever. It's just not worth wrecking all of that to most likely never get to prelim and open. :( I just feel stupid for calling my TC and trying to arrange baby sitting...I really do need to be better about talking to Jon. I am a wimp when it comes to confrontation so I try to avoid it and usually...It comes back to bite me. 2020 goal...just say it, you don't have to have everything sorted out before hand.
So I'm not retired...I won't admit that till the dress is for sale. Let's just say indefinite hiatus...At least until Dom is done breastfeeding. He takes a bottle, but that stuff is a pain to pump so I feel guilty when he gets a bottle when I could just nurse him. Thanks to everyone who offered to help...I may still need you one day.
In typical Kay fashion, I still felt like something was missing from my life. I did try gymnastics, but the layout of the class just didn't work for me. I do my best when I have structure and someone is holding me accountable. It was an open gym and I had to fend for myself so I spent most of the class willing myself to do something instead of actually tumbling. Add a very hefty warm up ( that part I somewhat enjoyed...I need to condition!) and it might have been 40 minutes of gym time. The coach was cool though...too bad.
My mother was convinced I was going to kill myself at gymnastics, so she often gave me other suggestions (ballet, tap, figure skating). For funsies, I googled the last of the three and found a place that gave figure skating lessons about 20 minutes from my house. I went ice skating with my cousins growing up and one of the first gifts that Jon got me was a pair of hockey skates when we started dating (He is a hockey man, we watch games multiple days of the weeks like normal people watch football LOL) and we went a bunch on ponds too, so I had some previous experience. I also had some gift cards from Christmas so I bought some actual figure skates and headed to the rink kind of nervous. I wasn't sure if I was expecting a similar situation to gymnastics where because I'm an adult I'd get pushed to the wayside or half assed (Which my TC was so good about and I worried that nowhere else will ever hold a candle) but I was pleasantly surprised.
Firstly, I did some research and found out that US Figure skating is extremely adult friendly. Like adults have their own regionals and nationals and have five competitor categories because the age range is so vast. I watched clips where there were people older than my mom competing and they were not competing alone. They even have Adult only meets! There are many levels and areas where you can compete including the adult comparison to being elite so there is plenty of room to grow. If anyone out there still reads this, you all know that I'm all about having goals. That's why an open gym or an adult tap class where everyone is there to socialize is not my thing.
Second, (and I hope this doesn't make me sound like a creeper) the club I went to has a bunch of adults, but one specifically that competes. She's a mom, she won her category at nationals, she already navigated the waters that I may want to travel, and thank goodness, she seems nice. We skated the warm up together and she answered all of my questions. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but she seemed like she was happy to have someone else like minded around. (She's WAY better than me, I have a long way to go to catch her) The other men and ladies were welcoming too...and who knew Ice dance was such a popular discipline among the retiree crowd? :)
Finally, I did much better than I thought. Typically, in the hockey skates I would cling to the boards until the skate session was nearly over before finally getting a bit more confident. In the warm up. I was feeling a bit like a baby deer learning how to walk for the first time, but it wasn't long before I was feeling more confident. The instructor (who I guess I can call my coach now) was super impressed with me. She kept going "OMG! You are doing great!" which was a real confidence booster and by the end of the practice session I was able to do swizzles, rocking horses, dips, and started working on going backwards (That did not happen in the hockey skates unless Jon was skating forward holding my hands) I even started gliding on one foot (can't really do it longer than like a second yet but I'll take it). My coach already brought up competing which you all know is what really motivates me. Here's the catch...the competition in question is in 9 days! NINE DAYS! Preparation is not exactly what I'm worried about. She said I have all the skills I would need to compete in Adult 1 and there is no music in Adult 1 and 2. She also said that I wouldn't need a special dress yet and that I could wear my leo and skater skirt I used to wear for performances/competitions with dance. The biggest issue is finding someone to watch Dominik. I really rather not bring him when I don't know the ropes and am not super comfortable with leaving him to skate, even if it's like a minute. I could picture him crying and that throwing me off. This sort of became one of those issues that I have with Jon...I wanted to have all my ducks in a row before I even told him about the competition and he just wanted me to tell him. "You went one time". I know dude, this seems fast even for me. I won't be heartbroken if this one doesn't work out. They have many of them in Connecticut and I'd almost rather work towards having a program to music (I have a list of like 8 possible ideas but it is really down to two polar opposite songs so I'd have to ask my teacher what she thinks, if I even get a say in the matter.) I have until Monday to decide so stay tuned I guess.
This has become very long but it has been so nice to be excited about going somewhere again! Not that I didn't love dance at the end there, but in order to keep everyone happy (myself included) it really became a job. I also had a lot of nerves about belonging. I was a lot older and don't get me wrong, everyone was welcoming and sweet, but I still felt like I had to prove that I was supposed to be there and felt I was shitty since I wasn't in prelim and as good as everyone else. Add being rigid about everything (Can't dye or highlight my hair...then my wig wont match, can't go ice skating what if I injure myself, I didn't go to blah blah feis and so and so got first...if I went I probably would have too) and it was more exhausting than fun. I also try to imagine telling the girls in the novice slip jig line (because let's be real, I doubt I would have been bumped up and I suck at confrontation) that the baby side stage is my baby and I just can't. At least not yet. But since I'm getting off topic, I'm excited to be just a student again. Getting paid to do something I enjoyed also had it's benefits (Not dropping hundreds of dollars on tuition for example...) but just attending and going home definitely keeps it from becoming any more stressful than it needs to be.
Last week was my free trial, tomorrow I skate with a guest fee, and after that I paid for the eight week session. After the beginning of March things will get a bit complicated. There are no more sessions until the fall, but most of the serious skaters meet with their coaches at other rinks (the one I go to is on a private school's campus) I will have to find out the prices and maybe do like a private every other week and attend a public skate or figure skating session on the off week. Jon is all about the money so I guess if I can find a way to pay for it that's not being negligent elsewhere...hopefully it will be cool. I'm also trying to find the silver lining in the fact that he seems to very excited and interested in this venture (you know...it's almost hockey) when he despised dance but don't ask questions I guess.
There is a competition in the summer that is I think well be my big goal at the moment. If all goes well, I would like to compete there with music with an actual figure skating dress (OMG they are all so pretty and less expensive than Irish dance dresses and actually have normal sizing! Like shopping used might actually be possible without crazy alterations!). I'd also like to bust through Adult 1-6 as quickly as I can. We already did some stuff in Adult 2 and 3 last lesson so I'm curious to see where I'll be by then end of the session. If the opportunity to compete elsewhere arises than awesome, but for now I'm just happy to feel so happy about something again.
To the next nine weeks as a member of the Watertown Skating Club,
Kay
Comments
Post a Comment