Do you ever have one of those days where you wake up and you're just like: "Nope."? Well, that was what Sunday was like for me. I knew before I even woke up that this was not going to be the day that all my dreams came true, but I figured what the hell, maybe I'd be pleasantly surprised.
I had a dream the night before the feis that I misplaced my shoes and I roamed all over the feis venue trying to find them, I ended up missing my dances and was very upset, so even though that wasn't real, it definitely set the tone for the day. Then I stopped at the bank to get cash and thought I locked myself in the lobby vestibule and panicked. Haha I'm not kidding. I couldn't get the door to open for like fifteen seconds. The scariest 15 seconds of my life.
The feis itself was not bad. It was two hour ride and I went alone so while I was very calm with my tunes as I was driving in, it was sort of a pain in the ass to get ready without my mom or TC. There was a girl from my school that danced in a different room and I didn't want to rely on her mother so I had very nice random moms ask if I needed help instead. The stages were large and they rotated judges after every dance and the groups were not super large like last weekend. But as I said, it was not my best go. I always seem to have unfortunate luck and I get sick when I have competitions or you know the OIREACHTAS (I legit slept 13 hours today. I don't know if was feis hangover, this cold I'm fighting, or both) but my body just didn't feel right as I was standing in line.
Reel was a mess, it was frantic. Even my 2nd step that I think redeems the not perfected bits of my lead was off. I danced my slip jig on my own and thought it was a good go but no placement. Treble Jig was just okay. The tune had a weird feel to it and the other girl actually had trouble with coming in at the right time so I don't think it was just me. I may go back to wearing my school dress for these two dances because I haven't placed since I've started wearing just the solo. I wonder if the judges expect better dancing when they see me (It was an open champ's dress before I bought it) and then I'm a let down. We'll have to see what happens at Horgan.
Hornpipe had the potential to be great. In fact, when I started I was like "OH? Today might be the day for this one." It was confident, I was louder than the other girl, I hit all my small clicks, my big click was high. Things were going great until my second step where I slide on my heel and I slipped. I recovered well and I didn't stop. I would say that I even finished strongly. I felt very "meh" about the whole day (besides being done after like 30-45 minutes that was nice) So much so that when results finally came out I thought I didn't get anything.
I don't know how I missed it the first time, maybe I didn't see that there were placements for 4th but I tried to be positive about it. I didn't cry. I was more disappointed that I drove all that way and got up so early to not get anything, but I've been trying so hard to not get down about this whole trapped in the grades thing. So many of my friends that are champs were in the grades for a lot longer than me so it feels like I'm being a brat for being so annoyed about it. I told my classmate I'd wait for her results before I left, but then something was telling me to look again. I'm glad I did because otherwise I wouldn't have saw that I got 4th in hornpipe. While I wish it was higher, I'm grateful that the judge saw the potential in it. If I hadn't slipped I'd like to believe that it would have been higher.
So yes, I'm still a grades dancer. I'm coming to the conclusion that my goal of being a full prizewinner by age 28 might not happen. I'm trying really hard to be positive and calm but I was definitely placing better when I was freaking out before the Oireachtas. I don't plan on being that way because I don't want to feel burnt out again. On the plus side, I can't believe I'm already placing in prizewinner dances. Trying to find that silver lining!
Nothing this weekend because of Easter but the following weekend I'll be back at a Horgan Feis!