You know that the theme of my blog is "a journey". It's supposed to document my "journey" through the levels of Irish dance and other dancing experiences. I'll be honest, I have been trying so hard to make this a positive place. I know when I had my shin splints a few years ago that this became a dark, emo place. However, please prepare for a not so happy post.
I've had two competitions since my last post and each one has been slightly frustrating for different reasons. At the end of September I danced at the New England Autumn Feis. I have nothing ill to say about that feis. It was a beautiful venue, there was plenty of room to camp, there was good food, the medals were nice etc. There was an issue that I can't really delve into too much, but what I thought was 2nd place in treble jig was a third for a bit before it finally got resolved. Not that it really matters since it's still not a first. I also thought I did a great slip jig and didn't place at all. 3rd in reel and Trad set though.
Last weekend was Coogan. I will be a bit more emo about this competition. It was nice in the sense that it was literally five minutes from my house. My mother, two of my aunts, and my cousin came to watch me dance. I got to hang out with some of favorite dance friends and finally meet a few others in person. I thought I danced really well. However, due to politics...I received last place placements in three of my five dances.
Before you go "Come on Kay, I'm sure they didn't tank you on purpose. You probably just didn't do as well as you thought. Everyone has their good days and their bad days." Trust me, I've had competition days where this has happened. I've clicked with the wrong foot in front, I know I didn't place in my reel because it got a bit out of control which some times happens in my first dance with adrenaline and what not. These three dances were by the same judge. A judge with a vendetta that has nothing to do with me, but with the emblem that is on my school dress. She did it children at my school too. Children that can see through the comments like "Out of time on 2nd step" (Don't want to sound full of myself but I've been practicing that treble jig for months and something disastrous would have to happen before I would be out of time.) and "very flat feet".
How is it that if this happened in any other sport or situation that I could have cried foul and this wouldn't have happened? Aren't judges supposed to be impartial? Aren't they supposed to take things like who transferred from their school or who opened up their own dance school and keep them at the door when it's a competition and judge us for our dancing? I've never said boo to this judge but because I talk to their transfers and my TC is successful I'm lumped in with them and THAT IS BULLSH*T. Now I find myself sitting here, deciding if I need to plan my feising schedule around where this judge adjudicates because I'm not going to waste my money and feel like crap on the off chance that I have to dance for them again. I know someone one told me not to let a judge question my self worth and it's not that. I know that I danced well despite this person staring me down and tanking me. I'm upset because I am SO damn (not censoring that one) close to being a full prizewinner and this judge is literally standing in my way. I lay in my bed stewing Sunday night. I work way too hard for this. I left a situation at my old school over crap like this. GO AWAY!
So to try to put a somewhat positive spin on this, this is more fuel than ever to get those final first places and then to do it again so that I can be in prelim. I want to prove to this toxic individual that NO ONE can put us down and they certainly can't put down my TC. I will standing proudly while this judge sees me in the line for higher levels. I'm also looking forward to Verlin this weekend because I finally might get a fair shot and since I have new part in my slip jig step, maybe just maybe this will be the week that the stars align. You may also be seeing more of me in the Mid Atlantic and even the Southern region because I would like some new eyes watching me dance. So stay tuned for that. Can't wait to get my dress too...though I feel like that might only be a temporary fix if my paths cross with this judge in the near future. I placed in slip jig again. I have to believe that it's coming, but I've been believing this for a while now. Maybe I need to stop caring. I tried to be like that while I was dancing, not getting in my head so much about winning, but I was doomed the minute the judge sat in the chair.
To getting back on my journey and hopefully finding the best path to achieve my goals,