Tuesday, February 23, 2016

It's Like My Brain Is An Internet Browser With Hundreds of Tabs Open

Disclaimer: This is not a dance related post. If you aren't interested you can skip this post. If you want to learn other fun things about me, keep reading!

So when I'm not teaching or dancing, or working on house stuff or whatever, I love to write. (Haha clearly, I have this blog) but I mean fiction. I've been writing stories as long as I have been able to hold a pencil. It's therapeutic, it's like dance, just much more sedentary. I've always had thousands of ideas (thus why my title is name what it's named. Can't take credit, saw this post on Pinterest!) I've had plenty of partial manuscripts, but I just finished one last month. Like this story is my baby. It took over a year to write (granted there were several months where it sat and I did nothing to it) and something about it just felt different than anything else I've done.

I don't know if there are other writer's out there, but this was the first time where my characters were not based off of people in my life. Despite this, I was more invested in my characters than ever before. I felt awful for what I was putting my heroine through, but I knew it was making her a stronger, better person. My heart was breaking for my secondary characters in a star crossed romance. Please, I am in love with my hero, I feel possessive of him and care for him like he were my husband (They do have the same given name. Not intentional, it just worked.)  This was the first story where I literally felt like my character's were screaming at me to get up and write their story. The story came from a nightmare I had where someone was chasing me and all of sudden there was this knight in shining armor that knew me and whisked me away to safety. Like I feel nutty writing about this, but I'm in love with my little fantasy world I made up and all the people that live within it, even my villain who I pity even though he did some horrible things.

It's 114k words, it's even gone through it's first batch of revisions. I read it to my 5th grade class, they loved it. I'm so self conscious, I rarely share my work with anyone save my younger brother (He's the next to work through it) and they shocked me. They begged me to read more. They screamed when there were cliffhangers. They told me they hated me when I pushed my characters to breaking points, they got starry-eyed when my main character's fell in love. Maybe Just maybe, this one has a fighting chance?

So if there are any writers out there, how do you not become scared to publish your work? Something you put your heart and soul into? I'm afraid if I submit it to be represented or published that I'm going to be disappointed. I know I'm very passionate and strong willed about dance, but there is something so intimate about sharing that hard work. It's like dancing a reel naked on the world's stage. I expect to be ridiculed and laughed at. But what if, what if by some freak chance they love it? I walk around Barnes and Noble and day dream about what it would be like to see my story on a shelf. God that would be amazing.

The reason why I've been thinking about this so much is that I've had ideas for a prequel and a sequel but I'm letting it sit. I don't want to burn myself out. That and I've become obsessed with a certain fandom (cough cough. Star Wars.) So I was like "I'll try my hand at fan-fiction!" Yah...apparently it's not for me. I'm fifteen pages in and it's literally the stalest, most awkward writing I've ever done. I'm convinced it's because they aren't my own characters. While I might love the characters, they don't have the same effect on me. So I think I need to slip back into my fantasy world and stick with what I know. (Which is apparently is a strange mix of Celtic, Hebrew and Medieval, not space.) But do I pick up where I left off? Or go a slightly different route and write my prequel with my star crossed lovers? Decisions, decisions.

Back to dance posts, just wanted to vent,



  1. Seriously, are we twins? I have been reading your blog for a while (I'm also an adult dancer/blogger/teacher), but had no idea that you too write. Personally I write fantasy stories, and I'm in the editing stage of a story I've worked on for quite a few years now. To be honest I am absolutely terrified of publishing it. A friend of mine and I read through each other's manuscripts and gave feedback afterwards, and it was the most frightening thing in the world at the time. But on the other hand I am even more afraid of NOT publishing it, if that makes any sense. Writing is extremely personal, but... I have a strange need to get it out there too, to share the world I've created. (If you ever want to talk writing, I'd be very interested)

    1. OH MY GOODNESS! I would love to talk about writing! I guess the more people that encourage us, the more it will make us motivated to get ourselves out there. :)

      Do you do Tumblr? I'm Something-Eclectic on there (It's primarily dance with some Star Wars stuff) But if you don't email me! kaybeyus@gmail.com!

  2. Woo hoo! Great job on reaching 114k! That's a lot! :D I am at almost 80k on my fantasy novel and I am hoping to get to 90k or 100k. It feels good to be almost done with the first draft.

    I love seeing my pieces published! And seeing a book of mine published and sitting on a shelf at Barnes and Noble would be amazing! It does hurt to get rejected, but I've learned to keep going and revising. I've had pieces rejected and then after I work on them some more, they end up getting published by a different publication. It's definitely special and intimate sharing such a personal thing, but so gratifying when it's published. You should go for it, if you want. :) Yay for writing Irish Dancers!