Friday, April 3, 2015

Happy Dance Anniversary!

Technically it was yesterday, but my work computer will not let me use Blogger even at my home so I had to take out the personal overheating laptop.

Hard to believe it's been a year since starting Irish Dance especially since four of those months I was out with my shin splints and the other two were during the summer. Though I learned a lot and experienced a lot during those six healthy dance months...I won't say that I'm not disappointed at what I did miss. Two performance seasons, probably half a dozen competitions and I was not able to upgrade or learn anything new. Honestly, I'm happy that I remember what I remember.

But this is a positive entry! One that I will spare you from lists and gloominess and I will simply write about what I've been up to and where I would like to go from here. I'm feeling pretty inspired with it being the same week as the Worlds and all. :)

Tonight will be my third class back post physical therapy, post other school visit and post hot mess crying breaking down on a four hour car ride to see family in Pennsylvania almost two months ago. I probably would have been back sooner, but I've been sick twice since then, there was St. Patrick's Day madness and I had parent teacher conferences that took precedence (Let's not pretend, you know where I would have rather been). I am still a McArdle girl, I will be a McArdle girl for as long as I can physically dance and if I ever have a daughter, she can be a McArdle girl too (God willing that my TC is still dancing)

My decision came down to a few things: One was that my husband reminded me that I had my spring semester paid for and that he would be very upset with me if I wasted my money to go with this other person. But it was more than just that. It was even more than the ridiculous drive from Bloomfield to Danbury, the craptastic parking situation, or the small room that made all those girl's voices echo and hurt my head. Part of my emotional Irish Dance epiphany that I had in my Mazda on the way to see my nieces and nephew is that I love my TC. He is a kind, worldly and good natured person. He gave me the opportunity to dance at all when some places turned their noses at me (I don't need to copy the entry from a year ago...we remember) I just couldn't shake the feeling that it would be a betrayal.

I tried to sum it up to my husband. How dance makes me feel. How yes, it's good for your body and it's fun. But I don't think I loved Ballet, Jazz, lyrical and Acro as much as I loved Irish in this past year. I'm not in it for fun, I want to be the best that I can possibly be. I want to make everyone (My family, my teacher, even the world) proud of me. To truly do this I need to be tested. My husband suggested that I have this conversation with my dance teacher face to face to show him how much he means to me as well as what my aspirations mean to me. At this point I don't know if I could have this conversation with him without exploding into a sputtering mess, which is something that I don't want to do in front of my classmates so I may have to arrange a time. As for my never ending struggle with competing with more than just myself...I'm gonna keep on working on him. I might talk to him about open platform and other ideas (in a while of course.) Maybe my persistence will finally get him to see!!!!

In the mean time, I will work on my stamina (it's pretty much nonexistent), I will upgrade my dances and hopefully come June I can sign up for a feis! I hope that when I look back this time next year I will be healthy (so far so good...) and I'll be at least twice the dancer I am now.

Thanks for coming along for the journey,


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