Part One: Where I have been
Hello there,
It's been almost six months since my last update. 6 MONTHS! There's alot to say though most of it is not Irish dance related. The biggest part of it, though at this point I feel like it's only still a secret if you only follow me on here and not on any other form of social media is...
I am having a baby. A boy baby at that. It was a bit of a roller coaster in the beginning there, but I think I'm at the point when the ride comes back around after its all over and your heart is racing and your body is full of adrenaline. I'm 24 weeks long and due at the end of September.
I guess I should back up alot. Let's start in January...not long after I last posted. I had the weirdest thing happen to me where I was sitting at my desk while my kindergartener's were working and it was like someone was suddenly spinning me violently in my desk chair. I shut my eyes and the room still felt like it was spinning. I was convinced I was going to throw up in front of my students. It was WEIRD. But it passed and life continued as normal. I went to class, I was preping for grade exams and my double feis weekend.
The week that I was going to be dancing at Fairfield County and at Feis Na Blain Nua I never got my monthly misfortune. I tried not to be too wrapped up about it, though I've always been pretty regular. Days and Days went by, and eventually while I was away at the feis with my mom (we ended up spending an extra day in Tarrytown due to weather. It was Martin Luther King Weekend so there was no need to rush. I was kind of tired anyway so it was nice to rest) I knew something was up. When I finally got back to CT and class later that night, I decided to leave early because the anticpation was killing me...I had to know so I bought a test (actually 3...lol I wanted to make really sure) and sure enough...I was pregnant.
Honestly, I went through like the seven stages of grief, which looking back was RIDICULOUS. This post is getting real, but I knowingly and willingly went into this being like "well if it happens, it happens" knowing that I'm not getting younger (I turned THIRTY a couple of weeks ago. GOD) but I there was definetly some shock that is happened so quickly. I would not say I was in denial about it. Trust me, that's why I bought three tests...but there was guilt. So much guilt. I thought of how hard I worked, of how close I was starting to get to prelim (I can get to that in a bit) and I was upset that that plan would have to deviate. I thought about my dress not fitting. Not dancing solos at the Oireachtas. All this unfinished business that I had. It was rough for a while. Then so much stuff changed at dance and I was in the angry and bargaining phase. My TC hired another teacher (WHOM IS AMAZING and I'm so glad is on board with us. Hard to imagine life without them now) but at the time I was having issues with my own personal dance journey and then I started worrying about being forgotten and replaced. Then like...7 transfers joined my class and I didn't know any of them really (still really don't.) When all this went down I was in that part of your first trimester where your tired and gross. I was trying to go to class for a while when I was feeling up to it and had some complications afterwards so I had to stop taking Champ class all together. That was a rough patch. I think the lowest of the low was when I switched to the depression stage. There was a night I packed all my awards up. (My shelf had fallen down and we're working on decluttering the house) and I sobbed the entire time. I had a non SRL dance friend finally notice that I was MIA and I had to let my secret out. I found out I was having a boy and my mom asked me if I was happy and I cried in the middle of a resturant because I was hoping to have a little baby dancer and having a boy feels like those chances are pretty slim (and all year long I've had a douche bag student that still gives me nightmares about having a son, but I'm working through it LOL) This paragraph has become a novel, but I'm not sure where the corner came exactly, but at some point the working through it and acceptance happened. I don't know if itwas the first time that I felt him (It's weird) or when I had some scary bleeding that made me be a step away from bed rest and could have killed the both of us potentially that I realized that dance is great, but there are more important things. I know, hearing that from me is crazy.
Okay, if you are still with me after all of that, bless you and thank you. Sitting here six months pregnant is not where I expected myself, but I trust the process. I have been extremely lucky. I had NO morning sickness. None. Don't know how I got through that unscathed. I was tired, but because of those complications, I got to go home early and rest instead of stay at class till 9 and get home at almost 10 twice a week. I still got to teach dance three days a week so I wasn't cut off cold turkey and I guess I need to give myself more credit, because at my last doctors appointment, I had only gained 8 pounds. I've been able to eat most things I ate before I was pregnant. besides several weeks of pelvic rest due to Placenta Previa (The scary thing I mentioned earlier that is now gone) I have had an easy pregnancy. (Minus the peeing...that's been annoying and almost constant.) In a few weeks, I'll be done teaching for the year and then all that's left is the preparing and the waiting.
I had always been scared to get pregnant because I didn't want to lose myself. I didn't want to become fat, to have unfinished business. I still struggle with the earlier of these two issues (I hate things that show my stomach. Don't tell me I look cute. I don't want to hear it and if you touch my stomach I will cut you LOL) but the unfinished business scares me less. That will probably be the subject of another post soon. As for having a boy. I'm just happy if he's healthy and he loves me. If he wants to dance I'll be happy to show him. If he wants to play hockey like his father, I will support him. If he wants to be an NCAA gymnast (do it! get money for college babe!) I'll be happy for him too. I don't know how to explain it, but I haven't even seen him in the flesh (just sonogram pictures) and I might love him more than his father. HAHAHAHAHA. Okay, okay equal.
In other, actual Irish dance news. I did two competions very early on in my pregnancy as well as grade exams. It feels like ancient history now. I didn't place at Fairfield County, but I got a third in slip jig, and a 2nd in Hornpipe (SO CLOSE TO WINNING IT AHHH) at Feis Na Blain Nua. I also took grade exams 1,2,and 3 and passed two with distinction and one with honors. I had plans this summer to visit my brother in Seatle to take at least 4 and 5 (and I had hoped to dance in prelim) but life had other plans.
In February, I danced at Shamrock and one of my former McCardle dancemates almost front clicked me in the stomach...I didn't place which totally stinks because it was my last feis...I was supposed to do the one in Brooklyn but I was just too damn tired at the time. It was definetly not how I wanted to go out...but as I said before, life has other plans for me. My students all did great at their recital a few weeks ago and many KILLED it last weekend at one of the local competitions. I'm still ready for things to die down...I spend more time in the car than at the studio these days.
Welp, it's past my bed time so that's all for now. Look for part two soon.
Kay
It's been almost six months since my last update. 6 MONTHS! There's alot to say though most of it is not Irish dance related. The biggest part of it, though at this point I feel like it's only still a secret if you only follow me on here and not on any other form of social media is...
I am having a baby. A boy baby at that. It was a bit of a roller coaster in the beginning there, but I think I'm at the point when the ride comes back around after its all over and your heart is racing and your body is full of adrenaline. I'm 24 weeks long and due at the end of September.
I guess I should back up alot. Let's start in January...not long after I last posted. I had the weirdest thing happen to me where I was sitting at my desk while my kindergartener's were working and it was like someone was suddenly spinning me violently in my desk chair. I shut my eyes and the room still felt like it was spinning. I was convinced I was going to throw up in front of my students. It was WEIRD. But it passed and life continued as normal. I went to class, I was preping for grade exams and my double feis weekend.
The week that I was going to be dancing at Fairfield County and at Feis Na Blain Nua I never got my monthly misfortune. I tried not to be too wrapped up about it, though I've always been pretty regular. Days and Days went by, and eventually while I was away at the feis with my mom (we ended up spending an extra day in Tarrytown due to weather. It was Martin Luther King Weekend so there was no need to rush. I was kind of tired anyway so it was nice to rest) I knew something was up. When I finally got back to CT and class later that night, I decided to leave early because the anticpation was killing me...I had to know so I bought a test (actually 3...lol I wanted to make really sure) and sure enough...I was pregnant.
Honestly, I went through like the seven stages of grief, which looking back was RIDICULOUS. This post is getting real, but I knowingly and willingly went into this being like "well if it happens, it happens" knowing that I'm not getting younger (I turned THIRTY a couple of weeks ago. GOD) but I there was definetly some shock that is happened so quickly. I would not say I was in denial about it. Trust me, that's why I bought three tests...but there was guilt. So much guilt. I thought of how hard I worked, of how close I was starting to get to prelim (I can get to that in a bit) and I was upset that that plan would have to deviate. I thought about my dress not fitting. Not dancing solos at the Oireachtas. All this unfinished business that I had. It was rough for a while. Then so much stuff changed at dance and I was in the angry and bargaining phase. My TC hired another teacher (WHOM IS AMAZING and I'm so glad is on board with us. Hard to imagine life without them now) but at the time I was having issues with my own personal dance journey and then I started worrying about being forgotten and replaced. Then like...7 transfers joined my class and I didn't know any of them really (still really don't.) When all this went down I was in that part of your first trimester where your tired and gross. I was trying to go to class for a while when I was feeling up to it and had some complications afterwards so I had to stop taking Champ class all together. That was a rough patch. I think the lowest of the low was when I switched to the depression stage. There was a night I packed all my awards up. (My shelf had fallen down and we're working on decluttering the house) and I sobbed the entire time. I had a non SRL dance friend finally notice that I was MIA and I had to let my secret out. I found out I was having a boy and my mom asked me if I was happy and I cried in the middle of a resturant because I was hoping to have a little baby dancer and having a boy feels like those chances are pretty slim (and all year long I've had a douche bag student that still gives me nightmares about having a son, but I'm working through it LOL) This paragraph has become a novel, but I'm not sure where the corner came exactly, but at some point the working through it and acceptance happened. I don't know if itwas the first time that I felt him (It's weird) or when I had some scary bleeding that made me be a step away from bed rest and could have killed the both of us potentially that I realized that dance is great, but there are more important things. I know, hearing that from me is crazy.
Okay, if you are still with me after all of that, bless you and thank you. Sitting here six months pregnant is not where I expected myself, but I trust the process. I have been extremely lucky. I had NO morning sickness. None. Don't know how I got through that unscathed. I was tired, but because of those complications, I got to go home early and rest instead of stay at class till 9 and get home at almost 10 twice a week. I still got to teach dance three days a week so I wasn't cut off cold turkey and I guess I need to give myself more credit, because at my last doctors appointment, I had only gained 8 pounds. I've been able to eat most things I ate before I was pregnant. besides several weeks of pelvic rest due to Placenta Previa (The scary thing I mentioned earlier that is now gone) I have had an easy pregnancy. (Minus the peeing...that's been annoying and almost constant.) In a few weeks, I'll be done teaching for the year and then all that's left is the preparing and the waiting.
I had always been scared to get pregnant because I didn't want to lose myself. I didn't want to become fat, to have unfinished business. I still struggle with the earlier of these two issues (I hate things that show my stomach. Don't tell me I look cute. I don't want to hear it and if you touch my stomach I will cut you LOL) but the unfinished business scares me less. That will probably be the subject of another post soon. As for having a boy. I'm just happy if he's healthy and he loves me. If he wants to dance I'll be happy to show him. If he wants to play hockey like his father, I will support him. If he wants to be an NCAA gymnast (do it! get money for college babe!) I'll be happy for him too. I don't know how to explain it, but I haven't even seen him in the flesh (just sonogram pictures) and I might love him more than his father. HAHAHAHAHA. Okay, okay equal.
In other, actual Irish dance news. I did two competions very early on in my pregnancy as well as grade exams. It feels like ancient history now. I didn't place at Fairfield County, but I got a third in slip jig, and a 2nd in Hornpipe (SO CLOSE TO WINNING IT AHHH) at Feis Na Blain Nua. I also took grade exams 1,2,and 3 and passed two with distinction and one with honors. I had plans this summer to visit my brother in Seatle to take at least 4 and 5 (and I had hoped to dance in prelim) but life had other plans.
In February, I danced at Shamrock and one of my former McCardle dancemates almost front clicked me in the stomach...I didn't place which totally stinks because it was my last feis...I was supposed to do the one in Brooklyn but I was just too damn tired at the time. It was definetly not how I wanted to go out...but as I said before, life has other plans for me. My students all did great at their recital a few weeks ago and many KILLED it last weekend at one of the local competitions. I'm still ready for things to die down...I spend more time in the car than at the studio these days.
Welp, it's past my bed time so that's all for now. Look for part two soon.
Kay
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